**disclaimer** (mention of difficult memories )

Growing up my parents worked a lot to provide common start so far. This often meant I spent a lot of time alone, I was incredibly young however these events would go on to become an obsession of mine and without realising shaped a huge part of my memory. I grew up in a compound in which several households existed. This was also in Nigeria where there was a lot of trust in the neighbourhood. I would often play outside by myself and the neighbouring children.

This changed however one day as I was in the neighbours house. The oldest person there would have been a teenage house help (maid). I was incredibly young and trusting so I did what I was told, decisions that became a memory, a memory that became an obsession. One thing led to another and this carried on for a few months. I told nobody. I never felt right, or especially happy about it but I kept this secret inside for a long time. Younger me could not explain what was happening but older me knew that she knew too much and that had became my problem. I do not know if this caused my depression but depression became something I eventually grew to understand.

My most hated memory of waking up one morning to burning cars, bodies on the street, and being dragged around looking for a safe place to hideout. This day ended with spending a night at an army barrack needless to say I was terrified to sleep. I eventually fell asleep only to be woken up by screams from someone who was terrified the fighting would begin again. I did not sleep for the rest of the night on edge the whole night-time.

This issue of sleep became one that plagued my life as I am now a fully educated adult and I still struggle with sleep. An issue that has come with its fair share of challenges. I remember trying to have these conversations with people mostly to attempt to gain some clarification. I remember my friend laughing, mainly out of the difficulty of the situation, a problem I discovered is common in men. One that made me think what terrible things do we know that has shaped our lives and if weighing us down, reshaping out beliefs and making us doubt ourselves. It made me think of the countless hours wasted on negative memories and how that was affecting my productivity.

I decided then. A space or platform encouraging us to face our most difficult challenges head on was needed, whether we won or lost. Facing those challenges was much more beneficial than my fear of being judged. I hope over the coming weeks, months, and years to be able to encourage strength to face these no matter how big or how small.

To take control in admitting we all have issues no matter how big or how small. How facing those in a safe mutually beneficial way will lead to a more productive and focused future.